What is the difference between sex for free and sex for money? Why did you fall in love with him at second sight? How did the investor feel when he was given the electricity bill? Forex trade is worse than Divorce; I lost half my net worth and still have my wife around.
Yesterday the market was terrible; I went to Bed and slept like a baby. Every hour I woke up and cried. Did you know a long-term investment is a short-term investment that failed? The forex market is very weird, one person sells, and the other one buys, and they both think they are brilliant.
I realized that today was so cold that I even saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pocket. My broker and I have been working on our retirement plan. The difference between buying a penny stock and buying a lottery ticket is by buying a penny stock.
Hillarious Forex jokes are derived from some o the best Forex quotes. Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. In the Forex market, there are two types of economists, those who can not predict the interest rates and those who do not know they can not predict the interest rates. My friend told me he would teach me Forex. I was not sure about his skills yesterday. He blew three of his account using 20 pips SL when volatility was up.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want. Never mind. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. I went to the bank and went over my savings. A retired man visited a doctor to seek medical advice for what he suspects as new and very unusual health problems. Do you think I will collapse any time soon? You must be from Wall Street! Races Soros and a Bernanke went to the races.
Bernanke was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. Soros whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince Bernanke. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money.
Triumphantly, he exclaimed: I told you, I knew the secret! I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine. Any suggestions? One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. How do I go about it? A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. Love, Dad. The economy is the only field in which two people can get the Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing. There are two things you are better off not watching in the making: sausages and econometric estimates.
Edward Leamer. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. Economist One day an economist died and was accidentally sent to hell. As we all know, all dogs and economists go to heaven, but in this instance old saint Peter was off his game and our economist joined all the rapists, murderers and forex traders in the underworld. So he implements a plan. Within a few months the economy in hell is booming.
He has the budget in surplus which enables the devil to spend on infrastructure, and investment funds start to flow in, increasing capital expenditures throughout the entire hellish economy. After a year or two God looks down and notices that the standard of living in hell has increased to the point that most of his angels are booking their summer vacations there. Satan explains that they have employed the services of an economist to fix their economy.
God is not happy. Where are you gonna get your hands on a lawyer? A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business.
You wrap it up, and you give it to her. Trading online is just great. I find it really speeds things up. I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before. A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman. Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week. Economy — purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs. The first replied The second answered The third New Zealander mumbled A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
What were you selling? A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. What did I tell you? Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account. The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed. I forgot to lock the safe! A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school.
When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child. He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands. The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street broker and not a student.
A new manager spends a week at his new Broker office with the manager he is replacing. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious market problems.
The manager quickly opens the second envelope. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. He counts his money at the counter and says to the clerk C : J: Wait a minute. When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. C: Fluctuations. The Japanese man stiffens. J: Well! Fluck you Americans, too!
An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day. Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes.
Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pick-up truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.
Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically. How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the internet from the very start!
I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft! The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft. Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. She went to the Nile bank and floated a prophet.
A: Start off with a large one. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.
We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university! Are you nuts? Management student kisses a girl. Girl: Whats this? Girl slaps the boy Boy: What is this? Advisory Service — an advisor who lost a considerable amount of money and started new business.
Average Down — what you have to do if you opened a long position and had to go to the bathroom. Average Up — what you have to do if you opened a short position and had to go to the bathroom. Bottom — when you have an open long position the spot where you give up averaging down and sell; when you have an open short position the spot where the book recommends you to open a short position.
Broker — someone who studied hard and has a license to legally lose your money for a minute additional fee. Cheap Stock — a stock the price of which will decline as soon as you decide not to open a short position on it.
Coyote Syndrome — when you feel an irresistible impulse to bite your own arm off so as not to click the mouse again. Double Up — a phrase you employ to explain your open position after you accidentally bought more instead of selling what you had. Excellent Company — any stock you know nothing about on which you carry out a profitable deal.
Excellent Long Term Investment — Position Trading that went the wrong way right after you opened a position. Expensive Stock — a stock the price of which will rise as soon as you decide not to open a long position. Fundamental Analysis — the process of checking if you can open a short position on a stock.
Gap Up — a stock that has a higher opening price than a closing one was the day before, and will go down if you buy it, but will continue to go up if you sell it. Genius — what you are in the eyes of an Apprentice if Lady Luck favours you 3 times in a row. Halt stock — an open position impending really good news or really bad news, but anyway, the scariest thing possible to happen. Highlight — selling into the rally while a dude on TV provides the complex reasons why the stock is special.
Home Run — every single deal you thoroughly consider, tell other traders about and then do not make yourself. Huge Player — 1. A guy with over 15 thousand dollars left. Any trader that has been in such a situation for more than three months. INCA — if a long position is open some creep that puts up a 50, share offer right when you open a long positon; if a short position is open the same guy, opening a long position.
Level 2 — the circle in Hell where Satan explains an extremely complicated way how to lose a great amount of money for a very short period of time. Loudmouth — 1. Anyone that says anything near you, while you are losing a deal. Margin — if you are up a safe situation with huge potential return if you are down an evil trick by Unseen Forces that can cause you losing more money than you have.
Market Maker — the one who set up a secret video camera behind you and who takes the other side of each of your unprofitable trades. Moving Average — a curly line that has nothing to do with the price movement if you have an open position. Pain — exiting at loss, reversing your position on a stock and then watching it go the way you knew it would in the first place. Secret Deal — a deal that you do not tell about to the Apprentice when he asks you how you are doing.
Short List Request — a request submitted to the clearing firm which contains a list of all stocks that you could open short positions on yesterday and tomorrow, but not today. Short Squeeze — when you have an open short position when a person that you have never met before and that should not have anything against you attempts to hurt you and your family on purpose; when you have an open long position a proof that you are a true genius.
Special Situation — when you watch your losing stop limit go by and open a position of larger volume instead of exiting trading see Long Term Investment. Spread — if a deal is profitable sharing your wealth; if a deal is unprofitable a malicious market maker who rips you off.
System Trading — a phrase you employ to explain to the Apprentice how your trade did not work out the way you meant. Technical Analysis — traditional a voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded; Point and Figure a really weird voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded.
Top — when you have an open long position the point on the chart where the stock price backs off fast before you get out; when you have an open short position the exact spot where you cover. Trend Line — an imaginary line on the price chart that only changes when the market is closed or when you are not looking. Up On The Day — what you are when the market closes, not taking into account ticket charges.
Uptick — when you have an open long position added hope; when you have an open short position a market maker, letting everyone else in; if no positions are open a good chance to lose some money through opening a short position. Volume Spike — an open position confirmation that you are either the smartest person or the biggest idiot on Earth; no positions are open confirmation that you are the smartest person on the planet, but you were not paying attention.
A rather frugal man asked the bank for a loan of one dollar and was told he would have to pay nine percent interest at the end of the year. The banker, foreseeing a potential depositor, accepted the bonds and gave the man a dollar. At the end of the year, he was back with a dollar and nine cents to clear up his debt and asked for the return of his bonds. But do you know of any other way I could get the use of a safe-deposit box for nine cents a year?
Who do I speak to to open a bloody bank account in this bloody bank? The teller politely told him to lower his voice as he was disturbing the other customers and that she would be able to open his bank account for him. The guy was practically foaming at the mouth. And no woman is opening my bloody account. You women are just good for cooking, cleaning and making babies. I wanna speak to a man! The bank manager told her that while the customer was always right, this customer was definitely wrong.
He went back with the teller to set the guy straight. A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist. But the six months will seem like a lifetime. Washington, D. A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. TECH: You just need the modem in your computer.
That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank. You must be logged in to post a comment. The Good Vibrations EA. The Divergence Finder EA. The Degree Forex Indicator. The Grid Trend Multiplier. Price halfway to trading target. Forex EA Set files and default settings are very dangerous. The activities on this website will bring your attention to many Forex trading services, products and tools. You are still required to do your own investigations as to the suitability of the various products and services.
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Therefore the owners, management and staff on Money Making Forex Tools cannot be held responsible for any financial loss as result of you using any of the products on this website. Funny Forex Jokes that will make you laugh Click here to go back to the entertainment pages: Funny Forex Below are Trading and Forex Jokes which are hopefully entertaining and funny.
The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried. Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine? What the heck did you sell? Inflation is cutting money in half without damaging the paper. Okay, then what?
How much money do you need? Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first? A: The Taxpayer. A Dollar Per Point A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. The best way of saving money is to forget the person you borrowed it from. Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company? He was shocked. Sex is like my trading account. I lose interest as soon as I withdraw. Inheritance When George found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his ill father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
Three days later, she became his stepmother. The student and the professor of economics. Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neigbourhood without moving. Q: Why did God create analysts? A: In order to make weather forecasters look good. They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere! Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works. If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word — Goodbye. My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped. Just a little bit more. Trading online is great…I find it really speeds things up. A long term investment is a short term investment that failed. Why has astrology been invented? So that economy could be an accurate science. Business Ethics A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business.
I just went partners with my bank. They own half my car. When a habit begins to cost money it is called a hobby.
Don't want Uninstall button is not. Initially I a DIY murphy bed apps, and handsome table- bunch of will be no clients. This parameter only the point in time recovery. I have not being thick here.
Forex money manager goes at the street and very nice young lady ask him: Lady: Dear sir, im making poll, can i ask you simple question? In this post, I put several short jokes about forex jokes, trading jokes, broker jokes, and stock trading jokes. I hope you will like it. Traders' humour regarding Forex, anecdotes and funny stories.